Lord, I believe...

In just three short days, it will be Christmas morning...and it will be my youngest grandson, Noah's, third birthday. It will be the second Christmas and birthday he has spent without his mommy and my heart is grieving for he and his sisters, Kaylee and Emma. My heart is also grieving for my daughter. Katie is somewhere in this big country...possibly Indiana, but no one knows for sure. It's as if she has dropped off the face of the earth. But I know, with all that is within me, that she is scared and is missing her babies. I know she feels as though she cannot come home. And I know the devil is whispering to her the lies he loves to tell to those who have made bad choices. He is so very good at kicking us when we are down... If only I could  get a message to her...to tell her she CAN come home...that we will work through this together...that the Lord is just waiting for her to turn around.
Yet I know there is only one thing I can do...and that is to pray. So I pray morning, noon and night. I pray when I'm driving. I pray when I'm puttering around the house. I pray constantly for my prodigal daughter and I ask the Lord to protect her and draw her to Himself. And I pray for my grandchildren...that they will not forget their mommy. I pray that the Lord would heal their hurting hearts and that He would fill the empty place that was left when their mommy walked away.

Lord, I am asking, in this season of miracles, when we celebrate the miracle of You coming to earth as a lowly babe in order to save us from our sins, that You would make a way that I would know my daughter is safe. And Lord, if it is not to be, I ask that You help me to trust You, for You have a plan...
 Lord, I believe...help my unbelief....

"Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!"     ~Mark 9:24 NKJV~

Saying Goodbye to "The Lobo"...

It is a cold, grey and breezy day here in northern California...how fitting, as today we say goodbye to my cousin's husband, Jerry. Though I hadn't spent much time with him over the years, one thing is certain, he left an indelible impression on me. He had a way of making me laugh until I thought I would wet myself...especially when he was with my brother-in-law, Terry. Jerry and Terry...what a couple of jokesters they were! He always had a smile on his face and his eyes sparkled like the the sun dancing on a summer sky. He had a stutter in his speech, which only endeared him all the more to those who knew and loved him. My niece, Darin-Rebecca, said he would get stuck on a word then say he needed a shot of whiskey to stop the stutter...I can almost hear him say that in my mind!

He loved life, and his wife, Jackie (my cousin), WAS his life. They recently celebrated there 31'st wedding anniversary and he wrote on the envelope of the card, "My Wife, 31 more".  When she asked what that meant, he said, "I want more years with you".  That envelope will, no doubt, become a beloved possession of Jackie's.

Did Jerry know You, Lord? My cousin, Susie, spoke to him of You on the phone less than 24 hours before he passed away. She says she was comfortable that he was passing into Your presence to spend eternity with You. I pray that is so...and I cling to the promise that You do not desire that a single soul should perish. I KNOW that You can take a thousand years in what we see as a blink of an eye, to reveal Yourself to the lost...and for that, I am eternally grateful.

Today I will say good bye not only to Jerry, but to my cousins, Jackie and Susie... I don't know when, or if, I will see them again this side of heaven. If not, I am confident we will have a blessed reunion and spend eternity together...

Today I will no doubt cry, laugh, grieve and rejoice...but joy will come in the morning...

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." ~Matthew 5:4

Come...

Ah, another overcast morning in the Pacific Northwest. How I love this time of year! I awoke this morning to the smell of coffee brewing and the sound of geese honking overhead as they begin their journey southward. These must be TRUE Canadian geese...not the interlopers who have taken up residence here in Washington! I can, however, identify with those who migrated only so far and found it just too wonderful to move on. Alas, I, too, am an "interloper", having migrated here from California in 1987. But You chose this place for me before the beginning of time, knowing I would come to call it my home. And You chose this morning for me; knowing the geese would fly overhead and cause a stirring in my soul. I love that You are the Creator and take such a personal interest in my every thought and imagination. You know me so intimately... Oh how I long to know You that same way! And as I sit here quietly typing these words, You speak to my spirit and say, "Come"...

"And you will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart"    ~Jeremiah 29:13 ~

The Age Old Question

The haze is slow to burn off on this very last day of August, 2009. Where has this month gone? Where has this SUMMER gone? It seems like only yesterday I was praising You for the beginning of our summer break from homeschooling. But today there is a definite crispness in the air that signifies autumn being just around the corner. And as I contemplate the beginning of our "school" year, I am reminded of Your word, which tells me our days are like a breath... . I remember my grandmother commenting on any given day that she just didn't know where the time had gone. This was usually in reference to how fast we were growing! And now, as I enter the autumn of my life and gaze upon my children and grandchildren, I am realizing that very same phenomenon. Time is literally flying by at warp speed and, no matter how I try, I cannot slow it down one little bit, nor can I eek out one more second. And, before I know it, I will be in Your magnificent presence and my children and grandchildren will, on some crisp, hazy pre-autumn day, contemplate this very same thing...

"That which has been is what will be, that which is done, is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun." ~Ecclesiastes 1:9~

"Man is like a breath; his days are like a passing shadow". ~Ps. 144:4~

*** Photo courtesy of Shannon Woodward

where are you, dear daughter?

It was only a year ago, but it seems like forever since I last saw you. I took this picture of you right before I left to return to Washington in April, 2008. Why didn't I see the fear in you when I was there? Why didn't I sense you were about to do the unimaginable and follow in my footsteps? I know, only too well, the pain you are feeling. I know, only too well, the fear that has gripped you. Fear is a powerful emotion that wants only to keep us paralyzed by its strangling grip. Oh, daughter, how I long to hold you in my arms like I did when you were little...like you are holding Noah, Emma and Kaylee in this picture. I long to tell you that, no matter what, I will always love you...that, no matter what, I forgive you...that, no matter what, Jesus is right there with you...waiting for you to turn around...

"Do not remember the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions; according to Your mercy, remember me, for Your goodness' sake, O' Lord." Psalm 25:7 NKJV

Inside-out Hug

The sun is out; the birds are singing and I should be rejoicing in the fact that spring has finally arrived to the Pacific Northwest. Yet, here I am, still in my pj's and struggling to put on a happy face. How can I have a happy face, when my heart is breaking inside? I know the answer to this question...it is Jesus. He is the answer to every question under the sun. And as I write these words, I feel His warmth and love flow over me like a hug from the inside-out. He lets me know He is in control and I need to allow Him to shoulder my burdens and my heartache...for they are HIS burdens and HIS heartache. Oh, what a gracious, loving God we serve...

"The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit." Psalm 34:18 NKJV